21st June 2017 entry:
I went for a walk in the park adjacent
to our house. Sathya accompanied me. The plan was to go to the doctor later in
the day and remove the foetus!
I tried beseeching him to change his mind. But
he in turn told me it was not a practical decision. In a week’s time, I was
confirmed to join Hypercity Retail as Deputy Manager – Training, handling their
4 stores in Bangalore. The job involved lots of travelling, within the city, between
the stores and of course, the accompanying stress and strain. It was an
excellent opportunity both in terms of pay and career growth for me. I agreed. Our
ages, me 40 and he 36, was also a factor. Why would we go through the whole
child bearing and child rearing process once again?
He also added, "Look at my salt and pepper beard. Is it a time for one more baby?"
That made me laugh. I imagined this giant 6 feet-3 inch, 126 kilo man running behind a toddler!
But, there was a part of me that was disturbed.
I needed to speak to someone.
Even as we walked, I messaged Sapna, a
school friend and doctor in Australia, asking her for advice – both as a friend
and a doctor. I had also messaged Suzaan in Kuwait and Asha in Switzerland.
Three friends, in three different countries, and three perspectives. I needed
it all. I needed more voices. And they were all well-meaning friends. I had not
met them after school but somehow, sometimes, people far away from you, seem to
be really close.
Sapna gave me a holistic view.
Pregnancy was not just an emotional decision but also a medical one. It was a
very balanced advice. Suzaan instilled hope that this could be a new direction
and new motivation of life. Asha, who was a mother of 3 boys, was dead sure
that we must keep the baby. The conversations with them was making things clearer to me. It was helping me become more and more aware of what I really wanted.
Sathya stuck to his ‘remove it’ stand
and went to the barber to cut his hair.
At around 8:30, just as Tanvi was
leaving for school, I called up Babu, Sathya's childhood friend and told him to speak to Sathya. There was
no one else I knew who could convince Sathya. Also, there was no one, among his
friends, I was comfortable enough to talk to about such a delicate matter. I urged him to do it soon as, in less than two hours, we would be in the maternity clinic. At ten, we had planned to go to the doctor
for the abortion. Babu said he will speak.
And he did. For half an hour I
believe even as the barber was busy massaging Sathya’s head. He called me back saying “Good news,
Sathya will be distributing sweets today”. (Aside: thanks to Babu, Sathya did
agree to keep the baby but didn’t distribute any sweets. Saala Kanjoos makkichoos!)
Meanwhile, I went to take a shower. I
heard the main door open. Sathya had returned from the salon. I heard the sound
of the TV. I came out thinking he would lift me up and say, wow I am going to be
a father again. I had always wanted that
filmi scene where the heroine does this whole coy thing, twirling the edges of her saree and the hero lifts the heroine and exclaims “Mei baap banane wala
hoon” and does an impromptu dance.
Instead,
Sathya asked me, “What did you
do? You had agreed yesterday to remove and now you are saying no. What if we
had removed it yesterday itself”
I sighed. No filmi scene for me!
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