Rutvi - Day One

Rutvi was born at 3:16 p.m. 

Tanvi's school would leave at 3:30 p.m. When she left for school in the morning, she had no idea she would return to see her baby sister. We got her picked up in a cab and brought straight to the hospital. She was in her school uniform. 

She was beaming when she saw the baby. Her hands were steady as she held her - quite surprising for an 11 year old. 

I have heard of adults being fearful of taking a new born in their arms. They are either plain scared to touch a new born or afraid they might hurt or concerned that they might pass germs or an infection. 

Tanvi was confident from day one.

Rutvi's Day 2 - thinking pose. The way her index finger is on her cheek! What was she thinking? 

                                                        

All of us were pleasantly surprised to see her head full of hair - long, straight, black, silky. Tanvi didn't have this much hair when she was born. Rutvi came after a full 40 weeks, Tan 37 weeks. That could be a reason. I have read that acid re-flux during pregnancy causes hair growth. I did have acid re-flex but just the usual amount. Quite a normal occurrence during pregnancy. Nothing worrisome. So wonder how she has such a good hair growth. 

Her picture with her father

    

On day one, no one remembered to click a pic of the baby with her mother! Not even on day two, day three......and so on. A friend had rightly commented on Facebook that the person is charge of keeping the memories is seldom photographed. It took a month for the father-daughter duo to realize the mother too needs a pic taken with her darling.

Baby Feet

Different people love different things about a new born baby. Some love the smell, some the mouth, some the skin, some the bald head, some the eye, some hands, some the tummy.

Sathya loves the smell of baby skin, the smell of powder on them, the smell of milk. He used to keep smelling Tanvi saying, "haal haal vaasne" "My milk baby". 

I love baby feet. This time I actually captured a picture of Rutvi's tiny feet. Tiny, soft, fleshy, smooth...I am falling short of adjectives to describe them. There is nothing as sweet as tiny little baby feet.

No matter what the color of the new born baby is, what the race, the weight...the feet are always beautiful ... of every baby.

Rutvi has the exact toes and fingers of her father. Her finger nails grow SO fast that I have to cut it every week and the toenails so SLOW that I can leave them alone for more than 2 weeks - exactly like her dad. 

When people tell you that they feel overwhelmed when babies hold their fingers, it is true. It is an amazing feeling. Rutvi, even as a month old infant, would easily hold Sathya's big, fat fingers. She took a while to hold mine and I would be so jealous! I would complain to him, "How can she not hold my slender fingers but can hold your fat ones even in her sleep?" 

When I first held her and saw her fingers, I was really surprised at the resemblance with Sathya's. It was like I was looking at his miniature hand. I have short, square fingers. Both my daughters have his fingers - long,  slender, pointed. They say people with such fingers tend to be artistic. Mine are those of people who help. I have been so tempted to paint Rutvi's finger nails. I am sure they will look great. 

Babies take so long to open their palm. For the first quarter after their birth, their fists are mostly clenched. Once they learn they have fingers and the fingers move and do stuff like touching and grabbing objects around them and bringing them to their mouths, it is a beautiful discovery - for the baby AND the parent who is proudly watching her every move. 

The Best Day

I don't agree. I don't think it was the best day of my life by any stretch of my imagination. This image, according to me, is just another way of glorifying the whole birthing process. I have delivered two babies. Both the days were MESSY, to say the least. Normal or C-section - it doesn't matter. You are a MESS.  

Read on to get a sneak verbal preview of what happens on that day. 

Doctors (yes, plural) stick their fingers into you, nurses disrobe you, one staff puts a bed pan under you (in case of normal delivery) and asks you to relieve yourself so that you don't shit during the delivery (the truth is, some still do!!), you can feel your stomach and large intestines emptying into that pan and then the staff takes that pan in front of you into the toilet and flushes it and you almost die of shame (if it's your first delivery), another staff comes and "cleans" you. Add to that, your mad-woman like screams during the contractions and unbearable hunger, your body being paraded and handled most unceremoniously and you cannot even protest .... I could go on. 

Point is - it is NOT a pretty sight. 

In India, most hospitals do not allow the husbands into the labor rooms. I don't think it is a good thing. I feel husbands should be allowed to see their wives in their WORST possible avatar and see if they still love her as much.  Indian husbands have no idea what their wives go through, on the D-day, to give them their DNA, in flesh and blood, angelic and cherubic,  wrapped beautifully in softness of cloth and skin.  

And those videos that show the baby and the mother bonding - well, with both my babies (I delivered them in the same hospital, 12 years apart), the nurses took them away almost immediately to be weighed and cleaned and a thousand other things to be done like noting the time of birth etc. The bonding and the skin-to-skin contact that pregnancy websites emphasize so much on happened a few hours later in my case. 

Face Presentation

Brow Presentation or Face Presentation (FP).   
Saw this word for the first time on my hospital discharge summary report. 

No matter how much you read on the topics of pregnancy and birth when you are pregnant, there's always something you miss. Who knew my baby would choose to come into the world through an FP? 

Statistics say only one out of 300 deliveries are FPs.  Normally, a baby is born head first. The chin is bent towards the chest. But in an FP, the chin is stretched, the neck is extended backwards, as if the baby is looking up. 

They say if an FP is mismanaged, there is the possibility of birth defects and skull trauma. 

Saw this video on FP while writing this post. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElhTjSukSeU

A million thanks to God and the doctors for ensuring my baby was delivered safely, that she was fine and did not suffer any pain/swelling of face or any other trauma. Today, the more I read about FP and watch images or videos related to it, the more grateful I am for my baby's safe delivery. My C-section delivery apprehensions be damned! I have a healthy baby in my hands. That's what matters. 

But on the day of the delivery and post that, I was really upset. I kept asking myself, and Sathya - why did our baby choose to come this way?  Why couldn't she have not flexed her neck muscles? Why couldn't she have 'looked down', tucked her chin into her chest and come out like hundreds of other babies? I could have easily had a normal delivery. We could have saved money and post-delivery recovery time spent in the hospital. I had no complications, whatsoever, during my entire pregnancy period nor on the day of the delivery. No pain or contractions or bleeding or high BP. Not even water discharge. Just the news that the baby will exit the womb today. So did the baby look up on the day of the delivery or at the moment of her entry into the world? When did she actually flex her neck? It certainly did not show up in any of the scan reports or during the weekly physical examinations. 

I have decided to take solace in the words of the operating doctor who said, "Nim magu thale yetti, aakasha nodkond bandide." (Your baby has held her head high and is coming, looking up at the sky.)

The Delivery Day

The operation was over. 

I was put on a stretcher to be moved into the ward. 

I lay there waiting to see the baby. Just then, for a fleeting moment, one of the doors to the labor room  opened and I saw Sathya and Tanvi outside. They were waiting to see us. When I saw them, the first thing that came to my mind was, "My world." 

Exactly those words! They really are my entire world. They are everything. They are all I have. And I have a lot. That image of them standing there, Tanvi waving at me, Sathya anxious to know if I was okay...that image is imprinted in my mind's eye. In that moment, I knew I had all I wanted - with or without the new baby. I was fulfilled, complete. The baby was a bonus!

I hadn't seen the baby yet and asked a nurse for her. They brought her. I couldn't get up. But I held her. Momentarily! So much for all those viral videos you see online of mothers weeping, kissing, clicking pics with newborn, baby smooching the mother's face and so on and so forth. Didn't happen. The nurse took her out to show her to Sathya and Tan.

I wondered if they were upset that it wasn't a boy. I felt sad for them. Tan had said she wanted a brother and Satty wanted a son he could play cricket with and teach bike riding to. I had disappointed them. I felt sorry. As for me, I was so happy that she was healthy and perfectly fine. That was all that mattered. Especially after the fear of Down's Syndrome. 

I can't believe I am saying this but on hindsight, I think Dr. Nishchitha was right. I had the experience of both cesarean and normal delivery. It opened my eyes. I was very skeptical of C-section deliveries. I used to think it was a way God was punishing the women for something. I thought it was a shortcut some women took to avoid the pain and have it easy. I thought if someone had to go for cesarean, it is because they were not healthy. Healthy women were blessed by God and had normal deliveries. I was a complete idiot. I was a moron, an asshole. How could I think like that? I had no idea of the pain the surgery involved. But after I went through it because my baby was born through Brow Presentation (face is the first thing at the opening of the birth canal, not head) and I had no option but to say yes to a surgery, I realized that I was SO wrong. 

In the case of a normal delivery, the pain is during the labor- it could be for a couple of hours to sometimes a day. In the case of a C section, even though the baby is out in a couple of minutes and there is no pain that the mother feels at THAT moment, the pain of the stitches and the back pain and the slow healing and the painful recovery is a long process. In one case, you suffer pain for a few hours but rest of your life, you will be fine. As in the case of Tanvi's delivery. In another case, you don't suffer pain in the beginning but suffer it throughout your life. Or at least, that's what people tell you about the lifelong pain. 

The image on the right.
I don't know about doing it all over again. I wouldn't! 

People glorify pregnancy and motherhood. I can totally understand and empathize if a woman would rather adopt than go through all this.  

6th Feb'18 The Day

6^th Feb was our weekly doc visit day. 

Like the previous week, we had other plans after the hospital visit - maybe eat out or watch a movie or pick up Tan from school. Stuff like that.

This was the pic we took just before we left for the hospital. The last pic of my second pregnancy. Probably, the last ever.  

My water had not broken. I didn't have pain or contractions. Nothing. The assistant doctor did the routine BP and weight check. This was at 12:30. 

After an hour, Dr. Nischitha came. She saw the due date, examined me and said, "you have opened. get admitted. we will do it tomorrow'. 

I was surprised! "Wait! What? You mean I will have the baby tomorrow? The baby is here? I am ready? But...wait...tomorrow is 7th. My baby will be born on my mother's DOB. And Sathya and his 2 brothers were also born on the 7th of their respective months and his mother too. 7th is not a good date. "

[Aside: Number 7 people are not lucky in marriage. They either don't get married at all (Vajpayee, Jesus, Karan Johar) or have unhappy married lives that end in divorce or just unhappy married lives.]

All I said aloud was, "Last time, the water had broken. It was normal delivery."

Immediately, the doc said, "Ok. Then we will do it today." I still don't understand what happened there. If she first said that the delivery will be done the next day, why did she change it to the same day. 

Suddenly, we were faced with the news of the baby for which we had been waiting for so long!

In the pre-labour room, in the bed next to mine, the woman was told, "Have to do Cesarean. Call your husband." In the bed to the far left, one family was already discussing about the Cesarean bomb that the doc had dropped on them. Meanwhile, a nurse connected me to a machine to track my BP. Lying down on my back was so painful but the nurse insisted on it. I was sweating. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and I was tired and famished. And then, I saw panic on her face. I don't know to this day if it was all staged.  She called a doctor to check. She examined me and said, "We have to go for cesarean." 

I was shocked. I screamed "NO! I will push the baby. I will have a normal delivery." But it was inside my head. Out loud, I beseeched "I want to go for normal delivery. What happened?" She said the baby was face up, her fingers had touched the teeth/gum/mouth of the baby. We asked to speak to Nischitha. She examined and announced, "The baby has come down but face up. Even if you push, we can't have a normal delivery because the baby will get stuck while coming out. We HAVE to go for Cesarean". 

At 1:30, when she herself had examined, everything was fine. Half an hour later, things had taken a sudden turn! They didn't even sit us down and explain things or take us into confidence before dropping the C word. I felt so helpless.

Sathya came in. They gave us a moment. We stared at each other. It was all happening so fast and I was in so much pain. I felt I had let him down. I felt I had burdened him with the additional cost of the operation. I had failed him. I was on the verge of crying. I still couldn't believe I had to go for a Cesarean. Me? No. No. I had done everything to deserve a normal delivery. I had walked so much! Everyday! Deserved! What a strange word! How does one deserve a normal delivery? 

They took me to the operation theater.  The anesthetist explained to me that the lower part of my body would be numb, not to worry. I sobbed, "I wanted normal delivery". They laid me on the operating table. I looked around.  There were 3 lady doctors and 1 male doctor. There were machines near my leg and a blue sheet was put in front of my face. I was talking. The doctors were talking. They were discussing about breakfast and lunch. I was going in and out of consciousness. There were bits I was aware of, there were bits I wasn't. Like I remember I kept talking about normal delivery even there, with the operating doctors. Nishchitha said, "It's okay. Now you have the experience of both". I was angry to hear that. Another doc said, "All babies face down and enter into the world. Her baby is looking up. Like looking at the sky, head held high." I didn't want my baby to look up. Why didn't she look down and come? 

At 3:16, heard the doc say,"female. you have a girl baby." I don't remember hearing the first cries of the baby. I even asked the doc, "Did my baby cry?" They said yes, she did. I wanted to see her, hold her. They said she is with the pediatrician - getting cleaned and checked. They were busy stitching me up. I must have entered the operating room around 2:30 and by 3:30 everything was done. Getting me ready for the procedure, the operation, the stitch up. Super fast. No wonder, doctors prefer C-sections. No hearing a woman's wails and waiting for hours in case of natural birth. And more money too. 

2nd Feb'18

9^th is the due date of the baby, 6^th is the weekly check up. 

Last night woke up at 12:00 and slept at 4:00 a.m.

I was crying that the baby hadn’t come out. Getting really desperate. The image captures the desperation really well. Ninth month has turned out to be the hardest. By now, I have experienced everything there is to experience in terms of pain, nausea, cramps, fatigue, so on and so forth. But this wait....seemingly endless wait....this carrying around the baby, heavy stomach and the accompanying tiredness, this not knowing when the baby will come and not knowing why is the baby taking so long to come....this is really mind-numbingly painful.  

  

Last time, I was working full time.
So didn't even realize when the nine months had passed. Add to that, Tanvi came 17 days early.

Today afternoon, Satty got a call from the company saying joining is on the 8^th. Offer letter had come. Now after hearing the news of his appointment letter and the possibility of a mediclaim reimbursement of hospital expenses through his official mediclaim policy, I joked to him that may be that's why God didn’t let the baby come out soon. That’s why the delay. 

I am telling myself to be ready now - to hold onto another 10 days. Say, maybe delivery is on 19^th my birthday – then we both can celebrate together and can claim mediclaim also. Haha!

Ten days after DD!! Will it happen so? When will she come?

The Arrival

Today is the 15th of September. I have not updated this blog neither the other two blogs that I have since the beginning of this year. The last entry on this blog is dated 25th January. Phew! Almost 9 months! 

Finally got some time to myself. So thought let me at least peep in and wave a quick hello to everyone.

First things first. Our joy arrived! 

And it was a SHE, not a 'he' as we wrongly but strongly assumed all along. 

We have named her Rutvi. The meaning of the name Rutvi is cheerful, kind and honest. 

Here she is at 3.35 kilos - so tiny but perfectly healthy and beautiful. 

She chose to come on the 6th of February and now shares her date of birth with her elder sister. 

Both born on a Tuesday. 
Both born on the 6th. Tanvi - June, Rutvi - Feb. 
Both born in the afternoon. Tanvi - 3:52 p.m. Rutvi - 3:16 p.m

So many similarities. Except that Tanvi was a natural birth and with Rutvi, I had to undergo a C-section.


And she is now 7 months and a week old as of today. Here's her latest picture.

The journey from then to now has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride. Will take you on it in the days to come. 

Till the next post, see ya :)

Parenting

Sitting here, waiting and wondering, when the baby will choose to make its appearance. The movements are still strong and we can actually see the skin stretching, extending. Sometimes, can feel and actually "see" the head sticking out and sometimes, the limbs. Most times, can feel the hardness of the body inside. All I can do now it wait. Wait for him to choose his time and day. Today is 25th Jan. I wish he chooses 28th Jan or 1st Feb - both number 1 dates. And sometimes, I just want him to come out right away. Enough carrying this heavy package around and struggling to sleep comfortably.

Was looking at some of these parenting related images and smiling. Have a look.

23rd Jan 2018

Can this be true? Research says so! 

 This toh is true, I think.

And this one below. It is just that human love for its offspring is far over-rated. Thanks to our gift of language and hence the ability to express emotions in words? Maybe.

No matter which species, childbirth is an excruciating experience.

I remember, with Tanvi, the pain of the contractions was killing. I was screaming like a mad woman. At that point in time as the pain hits you every five minutes or so, all you want is for the hell to end. I can understand why some women choose to go for the C-section. 

But even now my thoughts don't let me consider C-section as an option. This time too I want to try my 200% for normal vaginal delivery. One reason is faster recovery, less dependence on others and another reason is the cost factor. At Lakshmi Maternity which is not one of those fancy, branded, corporate show-biz kind of a hospital, the charges for normal versus Cesarean deliveries are Rs 40,000/- and Rs 80,000/- respectively. That's a straight jump! Can't afford!

18th Jan 2018

18^th Jan 2018

Another 20 days left. The baby will be here.  Don’t know if it will be a boy or a girl. Don’t know if we over fantasized about it being a boy. 9 months have passed. Now it feels like it went by really fast. Sometimes, I think, at 50, in another decade, I must have a third baby.

Today at 5 p.m, we planned to go to a fish spa and as I got ready, I felt a leak. Half a small cup gushed out. So we rushed to the hospital. Leela Rao did the glove test. Inserted her hand and said no not yet ready. In any case, they put me on observation for an hour to see if the water had really broken. The maternity pad should be wet, she said. It was dry. So we came home. False alarm. 

Reminded me of the Steve Martin movie where both his wife and daughter are pregnant and due for labour at the same time and he goes nuts taking them on several such false alarm trips to the hospital. And when the labour actually hits, he has passed out on a couple of sleeping pills and he is the one who needs to be literally dragged and carried to the clinic.

Tan was supposed to be a Cancerian baby according to the due date of June 23^rd. But became a Gemini baby June 6^th. This baby was supposed to be an Aquarian Feb 9^th baby but might have just become a Capricorn that too No.9. Ouch! Jan 18! Tauba tauba!

While we were driving to the hospital, Satty and Tan both were excited and looking forward to the baby. 

Oh and I read that 6 dates after week 36 ensures easier labour. Check it out

I was also reading the difference between conceiving when you are in your 20's versus 40's. I was 29 when I delivered Tanvi. I will be 41 when I deliver this baby.

16th JAN

16 Jan 2018

We had been to the doc for the bimonthly check up. The next one is on 23 Jan. Weekly from now on. I am 37 weeks pregnant at a consistent 64 kilos. Blood test also done. All normal.

After that, we came home, had lunch and on the spur of the moment, decided to go to Mane Devru. Sathya was supposed to go with his parents and brothers.

From last week itself his mother was singing the tune, “no need for Sujatha this time. We will go and come. It’s very important to go...blah blah. From past 3-4 days, daily calls from her and Kumi to ask if Abdul’s vehicle Scorpio is arranged. Yesterday Sathya said vehicle could not be arranged and also Sujatha will be alone so he wouldn’t be able to accompany them. This he told to Kumi. Immediately his mother called and started the brainwashing. No, you have to come. This is your second child. You have to pray for boy child. Deepu will not come. Anyway he is not interested. But you should come.

Sathya had agreed. I was wondering why so much pressure every year on him coming. Deepu is dying without a kidney donor. If anything, he needs God’s blessings more. Or Kumi the patient. But I guess she wanted to “talk” to Sathya throughout the journey. Thaayi runa noor varsha adru theersakkagalla bhashan.

We left our home at 2:15 and reached the Maney Devru temple at 4:30, finished darshan and started our journey back to BLR at 5:00. Around 5:30, quite unexpectedly, we spotted their Maruti 800 in the distance near the Markonalli dam. They had left in the morning at 10:30. When we caught up with them, you should have seen their faces esp MIL’s.She was so angry that Sathya had not gone with her but with me. Shouldn't she have been happy that, despite my advanced stage of pregnancy, I had made it to the 2+2 hours journey to the temple! 

When we were returning from Mane Devru in Nagamangala, just before we reached BLR, Sathya got a call from Shiv Mondal saying come for an interview tomorrow. If Sathya starts work in Feb, it would be similar to what happened in Tan’s case. In 2006, in Feb, just a day after my birthday, he started his job. This time it might happen that just around the time the baby is born, he starts work – again - this time in Feb. Last time he didn’t leave the job for 11 years. This time...?

Oh as for the third trimester precautions, here are a few

9th Month

13 Jan 2018

I am onto my 9^th month of pregnancy. 

The last month - going by the due date given by the doctor.  I have another 24 days to pop. I have a nagging sense it is going to be sooner. 

My reasons for that is that Tanvi came earlier, 17 days that too and this time I feel the baby is really down, the weight is more and I find it hard to walk and carry my tummy around. 




And don’t even ask how hard it is too turn or roll over at night with the stomach that feels really hard at places especially lower abdomen.

I haven’t been able to write or update the blog at all. There has been too much on my plate these past 2 months. Hunting for a new house, shifting house, trip to Gandikota-Belum Caves and Lepakshi, planning the baby shower.

Whenever I pick up something from the ground, I am praying “Hey you thing pls don’t fall. Pls don’t slip off my hand.” Because if it falls, I can’t bend to pick it up and it might lie on the floor for days. Bending is something I just can’t do anymore.

With my third trimester stomach, we have been to see so many houses, on all kinds of roads. Amrutahalli, Manyata Back Gate Area, RT Nagar, Hebbal, Sanjay Nagar, Nagenalli .... so many areas, so many houses. 

 Just few more days for these tabs. 9 months of taking them everyday!

When you know all this is happening within you...the baby growing at an accelerated pace...I remember the doc mentioning in the growth scan report that the baby was in Cephalic position and I had googled to check what cephalic meant. 

Any Day, Now - 21 Jan 2018

The due date is 9th Feb and today is 21 Jan. I have completed 37 weeks. Any day now the baby should be here. The next few days are crucial. 

Strange feelings. I am closer to having the baby come out. and I feel like holding on to it a little longer! Though there's still 19 more days as per doc's due date, each day is taking me closer to the D-day and I am feeling these movements in my womb and know that very soon I won't feel them anymore. This is my last chance at pregnancy and motherhood.  This sensation, of this baby alive and kicking and breathing inside me - I feel truly blessed.

I have not become all round “fat”. 

My feet have swollen, stomach is big but arms and over all I am the same.

These kicks and baby’s movements within me now feel so precious. Because I know only few days left. This is it. No more. Only memories of this sweet time that I relished for the first time. With Tan, the tensions in my life – money, job, newly married life – were so pressing that I never got around to enjoying it or even remembering it. This time, God has been kind and fulfilled my longing. I have enjoyed this pregnancy. Loved myself, loved the bump. Loved the care and attention showed by Sathya.