The operation was over.
I was put on a stretcher to be moved into the ward.
I lay there waiting to see the baby. Just then, for a fleeting moment, one of the doors to the labor room opened and I saw Sathya and Tanvi outside. They were waiting to see us. When I saw them, the first thing that came to my mind was, "My world."
Exactly those words! They really are my entire world. They are everything. They are all I have. And I have a lot. That image of them standing there, Tanvi waving at me, Sathya anxious to know if I was okay...that image is imprinted in my mind's eye. In that moment, I knew I had all I wanted - with or without the new baby. I was fulfilled, complete. The baby was a bonus!
I hadn't seen the baby yet and asked a nurse for her. They brought her. I couldn't get up. But I held her. Momentarily! So much for all those viral videos you see online of mothers weeping, kissing, clicking pics with newborn, baby smooching the mother's face and so on and so forth. Didn't happen. The nurse took her out to show her to Sathya and Tan.
I wondered if they were upset that it wasn't a boy. I felt sad for them. Tan had said she wanted a brother and Satty wanted a son he could play cricket with and teach bike riding to. I had disappointed them. I felt sorry. As for me, I was so happy that she was healthy and perfectly fine. That was all that mattered. Especially after the fear of Down's Syndrome.
I can't believe I am saying this but on hindsight, I think Dr. Nishchitha was right. I had the experience of both cesarean and normal delivery. It opened my eyes. I was very skeptical of C-section deliveries. I used to think it was a way God was punishing the women for something. I thought it was a shortcut some women took to avoid the pain and have it easy. I thought if someone had to go for cesarean, it is because they were not healthy. Healthy women were blessed by God and had normal deliveries. I was a complete idiot. I was a moron, an asshole. How could I think like that? I had no idea of the pain the surgery involved. But after I went through it because my baby was born through Brow Presentation (face is the first thing at the opening of the birth canal, not head) and I had no option but to say yes to a surgery, I realized that I was SO wrong.
In the case of a normal delivery, the pain is during the labor- it could be for a couple of hours to sometimes a day. In the case of a C section, even though the baby is out in a couple of minutes and there is no pain that the mother feels at THAT moment, the pain of the stitches and the back pain and the slow healing and the painful recovery is a long process. In one case, you suffer pain for a few hours but rest of your life, you will be fine. As in the case of Tanvi's delivery. In another case, you don't suffer pain in the beginning but suffer it throughout your life. Or at least, that's what people tell you about the lifelong pain.
The image on the right.
I don't know about doing it all over again. I wouldn't!
People glorify pregnancy and motherhood. I can totally understand and empathize if a woman would rather adopt than go through all this.
I lay there waiting to see the baby. Just then, for a fleeting moment, one of the doors to the labor room opened and I saw Sathya and Tanvi outside. They were waiting to see us. When I saw them, the first thing that came to my mind was, "My world."
Exactly those words! They really are my entire world. They are everything. They are all I have. And I have a lot. That image of them standing there, Tanvi waving at me, Sathya anxious to know if I was okay...that image is imprinted in my mind's eye. In that moment, I knew I had all I wanted - with or without the new baby. I was fulfilled, complete. The baby was a bonus!
I hadn't seen the baby yet and asked a nurse for her. They brought her. I couldn't get up. But I held her. Momentarily! So much for all those viral videos you see online of mothers weeping, kissing, clicking pics with newborn, baby smooching the mother's face and so on and so forth. Didn't happen. The nurse took her out to show her to Sathya and Tan.
I wondered if they were upset that it wasn't a boy. I felt sad for them. Tan had said she wanted a brother and Satty wanted a son he could play cricket with and teach bike riding to. I had disappointed them. I felt sorry. As for me, I was so happy that she was healthy and perfectly fine. That was all that mattered. Especially after the fear of Down's Syndrome.
I can't believe I am saying this but on hindsight, I think Dr. Nishchitha was right. I had the experience of both cesarean and normal delivery. It opened my eyes. I was very skeptical of C-section deliveries. I used to think it was a way God was punishing the women for something. I thought it was a shortcut some women took to avoid the pain and have it easy. I thought if someone had to go for cesarean, it is because they were not healthy. Healthy women were blessed by God and had normal deliveries. I was a complete idiot. I was a moron, an asshole. How could I think like that? I had no idea of the pain the surgery involved. But after I went through it because my baby was born through Brow Presentation (face is the first thing at the opening of the birth canal, not head) and I had no option but to say yes to a surgery, I realized that I was SO wrong.
In the case of a normal delivery, the pain is during the labor- it could be for a couple of hours to sometimes a day. In the case of a C section, even though the baby is out in a couple of minutes and there is no pain that the mother feels at THAT moment, the pain of the stitches and the back pain and the slow healing and the painful recovery is a long process. In one case, you suffer pain for a few hours but rest of your life, you will be fine. As in the case of Tanvi's delivery. In another case, you don't suffer pain in the beginning but suffer it throughout your life. Or at least, that's what people tell you about the lifelong pain.
I don't know about doing it all over again. I wouldn't!
People glorify pregnancy and motherhood. I can totally understand and empathize if a woman would rather adopt than go through all this.
Adoption is easy for those who adopt,but some other female might have suffered all these. Nicely explained, Sujatha. True that at the labour bed also when one sees her partner and offspring, a new verve appears in her mind.
ReplyDeletethank you :)
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