Food - Post Delivery

22nd August '17 entry:

A body exhausted by the stress of pregnancy and the enormous pain of labur, mind numbed by the emotional upheaval and heart distressed, the least you want is food. I delivered Tan on 6th June and was discharged from the hospital on 10th June. I was in some kind of stupor at the time and don’t have a strong memory of those 4 days in the hospital. 

But an overwhelming sense of being hungry still haunts me. Why was I feeling hungry all the time in the hospital? Sathya was staying in his parents’ house and eating there and getting food for me from there.  I was brought food in a small tiffin box while he went and ate with the others at home. I would be sent a dabba with a small cup of rice with some 'tilisaar' (the water collected from boiling dal, without spices or vegetables). Why couldn’t he eat with me? He would go home to eat a proper meal. He was having a gala time roaming around with friends and eating a king’s banquet at home. I vaguely remember eating plain bread for evening snacks. I used to be famished. I was breast feeding, recovering, recuperating AND hungry. 

I had to complain to the doctor. I was in a ‘hunger daze’. I think I told her, "I am very hungry doctor. I am not getting food. They are saying it is not good to eat too much post delivery". The doctor was surprised to hear it and asked Sathya to feed me well, to give as much as I wanted and a proper meal, not some 'tilisaar' shit. 

Why does a woman do that to another woman? Didn’t my M-I-L deliver 3 kids of her own? Doesn’t she know the pain of hunger? Why was she punishing me thus? For what? What had I ever done to her? 

This time, I want to be more aware and more in control of the situation I am going to find myself in. I don't want to be hungry ever again.