Pregnancy Memes

Here are some memes I found really funny all related to pregnancy or parenthood, of course.

This one is so so true! I remember, with Tan, not even being able to go pee because she would be fast asleep, wanting to kill the person that rang the doorbell and when I switched off the doorbell, they would keep knocking at the door and no escape from THAT

Haha! This one....I used to get very angry at his mother and relatives and his side of the visitors remarking that the baby looks exactly like him. 

I actually peeked first at Tanvi's nose when she was first shown to me by the doctors immediately after the delivery. I wanted her to have Sathya's nose and my hair. I had prayed for it!! Her nose is not as great as Satty's but not as bad as mine either. She did get my hair and not Sathya's, thank God for that. 

Oops! This never happened with Tan but well, never say never! The new one just might!!

Get the baby out of me ....hehe! Will get there soon enough!

Babysitter

1^st September 2017 entry:

So who is greater? The mother that gives birth or the one that raises the child? The one who does both is the greatest. But otherwise, definitely the mother that raises the new born baby is greater. Remember Lord Krishna's foster mother Yashoda? Nine months in the womb is nothing compared to the countless hours spent caring for a child that is not your own, that is helpless and dependent on you for everything.

In Tanvi’s case, God had sent me an angel. I was nearing the end of my 3 months maternity leave from work and I had still not been able to get a babysitter and I was close to having to quit my job.

M-I-L didn't want to take care of the baby, her own granddaughter. Imagine a woman who didn’t even come to the hospital to see the baby when she was born! Sathya fell at her feet to come and see. Their house was just 15 minutes walk from the hospital. Tanvi is the first girl in their family, the first daughter of her first son, the first grandchild of the house, the “Lakshmi’of the house as we Hindus say. 

For a week after the delivery, we had to stay at the in-laws place. The baby's naming ceremony was done there. And immediately after, we went back to our rented house. Not once in that one week, did either of the grandparents pick up Tanvi in their arms and cuddle her. M-I-L would sometimes uncover her blanket to show her to visitors, find that she had wet herself and put the blanket back on without even changing it. Is this what you do to your own blood?! 

God took a few things away from me. I didn’t have a mother and M-I-L was a monster-in-law. But He in his mercy compensated me three-fold. He gave me Vanaja who was so “motherly” and took such good care of Tanvi, from the time she was three months to 1 year 8 months old, that I am forever and ever indebted to her. Without Vanaja, she would not have been as healthy, strong and happy a baby as she was. Thank you God for always taking care of me in things that really matter.

Vanaja was actually the second babysitter. She had initially refused to take Tan as she already had another 3 year old child in her care who she had raised from infancy too. I had no choice but to settle for a babysitter who had few other grown up kids but no infant and was ok with taking on Tanvi. On the first day, I left her in this house, on the way to work. My house was ten minutes walk from the management college where I worked as a Soft Skills Trainer. When I returned at 11 a.m to feed the baby, I was asked to go to the next room, where the baby was kept. 

The room was really small with a bed that covered the entire space. Tanvi was not on the bed! Where was she?! She was under the bed!! I was shocked. My heart sank! I fed her, holding her tightly to my bosom, crying and saying sorry for having put her through this. Then, I placed her back in the same spot, walked back to the college, through the busy Malleshwaram roads, crying, people in the shops and passers-by, all staring at me. But I was a zombie. The body was moving forward but the soul was left behind with the baby, who was lying under a bed, like an abandoned child. 

This continued for a few days. I took an axe, chopped my heart into a thousand pieces and everyday, every single day, left Tanvi, again, at the same babysitter, to be left under the bed. I couldn’t discontinue this babysitter. If I did, I would have had to quit my job. And I couldn't leave the job. What would we eat? Sathya had started working but the money went for his drinks, cigarettes and parties; the salary never came home. Also, we stayed in a rented house, how would I pay the rent? 

And then a miracle happened. I remember my colleague Aarti Mam’s words, “Every child is born with his own luck.” I think it’s true. Vanaja’s son Shrikant apparently convinced his mother to take Tanvi and let go of the other child. I believe he told her, “This aunty is really nice. Help her.” And she was with Vanaja from that day on. 

Shrikant (with the cam), Vanaja and her husband Mr. Benegal

Tanvi is a lucky child. She got two mothers. 

This story, of a mother's struggle, is the story of countless women all over the world. It is neither new nor rare. Many women juggle a home and an office, sometimes to build a family and a career, and sometimes to survive, to carry on, and yet, many times, just to be able to feed themselves and be alive for the next day. 

Sex and Pregnancy

Can you make love during pregnancy? It is a question that arises in every couple's mind.

With Tan, our post marriage honeymoon period and pregnancy collided. Almost the entire duration of the first year of the marriage, when most couples are still discovering the nuances of each other's bodies, I was carrying.

Doctors regularly warn against it during the first and last trimester. But we were reckless. No one or nothing would stop us. I remember I was already 3 months pregnant when we went to Hotel Ashoka for our first New Year’s Party. It was my first New Year's Party EVER!! We danced together like crazy. Post that party, we went to a friend’s farm house and made out in our car. I didn’t even remember I was pregnant! For most of those initial 4 - 5 months, it kept slipping my mind. I just wasn't so conscious then, as I am now. 

Another time, 8 months pregnant with a huge protruding belly, we had gone to attend Vasu’s marriage (Sathya's cousin) in H.D Kote, near Mysore. We made out on the roof of the Kalyana Mantapa. Raging hormones? You bet!

Is there a difference in the experiences - when you are newly married and now? I think there is. When you are young and raw and new in your relationship, it is more of  "fun" and “Let’s do it!" and "Hey, we never did it here” and stuff like that. The thrill that the fear of being caught generates, and not actually getting caught, makes it even more tempting and enticing.

Now, after many years of marriage, it truly is about the emotional connection. You love your man more because he loves the child growing inside you. You are beaming at the thought of bringing another life into this world. This new life is yours and it will come into your arms one day. That thought binds the couple in an embrace that is tender and most loving. There is no rush, no expectation in that hug. The hug endears you to each other, like never before. It becomes more an expression of “I really like you” and “I am glad we are in this together”. And add to that, the body, during pregnancy, is on high alert; extremely sensitive to touch. It actually tingles. 

Should you do it during pregnancy? You should not, if you have any sort of medical complications or if it is forced. Each body, each couple and each pregnancy is different. Speaking from my experience, I have been comfortable during both the pregnancies. The frequency has reduced greatly the second time around (that’s because of long years of marriage and advancing age) but the intensity of sensation has actually increased (thanks to the same long years of marriage and the added sensitivity triggered by pregnancy). If your overall experience has been normal, going for it, if you really feel like, is okay. 

The doctor did advice us, this time too, to avoid it during the first trimester. I still laugh at the way she pointedly looked at Sathya as if he was some vaishi darinda (evil monster)! He did look like one that day, with the overgrown beard and the 126 kilo body, so can't blame her. Of course, we didn’t heed the warning this time either! 

Does it hurt the baby in the womb? No. Not in my case. Also, it is scientifically proven that it doesn't. The baby is ensconced in a really snug and safe environment.

Does it cause advanced labor? No. It did not in my case. But that doesn't mean you can indulge in a "Circus" performance.

Is it more pleasurable during pregnancy? Yes, it is, at least initially, while your belly is still not so big and you can still manoeuvre. Later, your belly becomes a big (literally) hindrance and you will actually end up laughing at the awkwardness of it all. Those are tender moments and relish them while you still can because you are not going to go down that road too often. 

Food - Post Delivery

22nd August '17 entry:

A body exhausted by the stress of pregnancy and the enormous pain of labur, mind numbed by the emotional upheaval and heart distressed, the least you want is food. I delivered Tan on 6th June and was discharged from the hospital on 10th June. I was in some kind of stupor at the time and don’t have a strong memory of those 4 days in the hospital. 

But an overwhelming sense of being hungry still haunts me. Why was I feeling hungry all the time in the hospital? Sathya was staying in his parents’ house and eating there and getting food for me from there.  I was brought food in a small tiffin box while he went and ate with the others at home. I would be sent a dabba with a small cup of rice with some 'tilisaar' (the water collected from boiling dal, without spices or vegetables). Why couldn’t he eat with me? He would go home to eat a proper meal. He was having a gala time roaming around with friends and eating a king’s banquet at home. I vaguely remember eating plain bread for evening snacks. I used to be famished. I was breast feeding, recovering, recuperating AND hungry. 

I had to complain to the doctor. I was in a ‘hunger daze’. I think I told her, "I am very hungry doctor. I am not getting food. They are saying it is not good to eat too much post delivery". The doctor was surprised to hear it and asked Sathya to feed me well, to give as much as I wanted and a proper meal, not some 'tilisaar' shit. 

Why does a woman do that to another woman? Didn’t my M-I-L deliver 3 kids of her own? Doesn’t she know the pain of hunger? Why was she punishing me thus? For what? What had I ever done to her? 

This time, I want to be more aware and more in control of the situation I am going to find myself in. I don't want to be hungry ever again. 

Why Now?

Why now? Why so late? That was the first question the screening doc asked. 

And then a few others - acquaintances, neighbors, friends.

Quite frankly, it is because it was an accident. It just happened. 

We never planned it. We never wanted it.  

I was off the IUCD for a year. 

I was 40 and nearing menopause or so I thought. 

We were rarely rolling under the sheets. So all in all we just NEVER thought it was even possible now. 

But one day, one session, one sperm runs right across and meets the egg , says hello and BAM.......sets the ball rolling – literally. 

Pregnancy - The Hard Part

18th August '17 entry:

It literally is the ‘hard’ part of pregnancy. Constipation. Pregnant women suffer from it.

I drink hot water to ‘ease’ things. I eat perle hannu (guava) to ‘help’. Guava really is great. Within an hour of eating just one ripe fruit, you can feel the ‘gudugudu’ (sound of rumbling) in your stomach. And when you sit in the toilet and things start moving, you are like. "OH Hell Yeah!" You thank your stars, the hot water and the guava for the miracle. And curse progesterone, the hormone that makes bowel movement a nightmare during pregnancy. It relaxes the muscles, slows the digestive tract and with the additional space taken up by the baby and the weight of it on your bladder, constipation and a constant urge to urinate are common side effects.

Sometimes, we have a counting ritual in our family.

Day 1 mummy didn’t go.....

Day 2 mummy didn’t go.....

Day 3 mummy didn’t go.....

It is now officially declared a family crisis. Tanvi springs into action and makes hot water for me. And they both wait for the khushkhabari (good news) that yes I went today. I have even called Sathya in his office to tell him that today was a 'good day'. I am sure this is one of the reasons some men avoid pregnancy like the plague. This constant torture of getting updates of your wife’s toilet struggles is not something they signed into when they married you. But Sathya doesn't grumble. He is a sweetheart. He listens. I guess 12 years of wedded misery does that to you. Pretty much nothing makes you go "ewww".

We have another secret understanding in our family. If it's day two of mummy not going, then it means it is "launch" day which means it is time for them to hide for cover or if they are within striking distance then at least, cover their ears. They joke that when mummy is 'stuck', it is mini diwali for them – full patakas (crackers) at home. And if we are outside, I whisper to Sathya and ask him to cover for me by pretending he did it. And then he mock practices suitable facial expressions so that it looks convincing enough! And does a final nod that acknowledges that yes he was the one who let out the sound. Those expressions he makes...it makes me laugh just thinking of it now. 

Tanvi is like the Kannada saying, "hath rupayige acting madu andre noor rupayige madthale" (ask her to act for Rs 10, she acts for Rs 100. Acts extra). So basically she mock runs like there was a grenade that dropped directly on her.