Dreams and Pregnancy

14th September entry: 

Completed four months.

Sathya got a dream. He saw a plump baby trying to stand but could’t stand. The baby was also trying to sit but kept falling backwards. Sathya had this sweet smile as he woke up in the morning, lay on the bed and narrated the dream. Nice to have a man whose first words were, "Let's remove it" actually dream of his baby and talk about it with such fondness in his voice. Gratifying. Did not have these precious moments last time. So these little things are all the more heart-warming.

16th September entry:

Suddenly I am aware of something hard in my lower abdomen. Hardness that doesn’t go away. Earlier when I used to wake up in the morning or I had not eaten for a long time and my tummy was empty, I’d feel so light in my womb that I would almost end up doubting if the baby was really there. Stomach would look so flat. Now my stomach is permanently “out”. Visibly bulging.

25th September entry:

Today was my first day of training. Back to work after five whole months of hibernation. Last I took a session was in March.

Forgot to take afternoon vitamin tablet – A-Z Gold. Remembered it an hour late. Other than that, did not feel any major difference between pre-pregnancy days and post-pregnancy days. Did not feel too tired in the class. Remembered my ICFAI working days. I was pregnant then as well. In 2005-2006. August I had joined the management college and in October learnt of the pregnancy. I had taken classes till just a week before the delivery. May 31st was the last working day and June 6th delivered.

It is always exhilarating to work. There is no joy compared to the joy of working if you are in the profession you like and enjoy what you do.

27th September entry:

Woke up at 6:00 in the morning to a bad attack of muscle cramps in my right leg. It is the one thing I dread the most about being pregnant. I remember I had severe muscle cramps during the third trimester in the last pregnancy. You can feel your flesh in your shank moving up and hardening. Excruciating pain! And there is nothing you can do about it. Just endure the pain and wait for the flesh to "melt" again and the pain to subside. It was strange that this time, it happened so early and that too in the morning. Maybe the two days of standing during the training and the stress of work had something to do with it. 

30th September entry:

Luckily the muscle cramps did not return. Yesterday was the last day of the 5-day induction training. Rest from today till the next batch.

I got a dream today. I saw a premature but fully grown baby . Then Tanvi brought a tiny baby from the washroom!! That turned out to be my real baby. Like always, I googled for meaning of the dream. It said I am not ready for the future. 

Can pregnant ladies be not ready?  I guess we can. Most of  us do go through fleeting moments of self-doubt, and self-questioning. Sometimes, I stare at my tummy and wonder, "Is this real? Is it really happening? I can see the bulge but is there really a human in there who will come out one day?"