Anamoly Scan

11th October entry:

It was time for the dreaded Anamoly Scan and fifth month check-up. There was also blood and urine test. I was made to drink 2 glasses of glucose and after two hours , the blood and urine samples were taken. 

The scan this time was to check if all functions of the growing baby were normal. And it was. The doc showed the lips, nose, brain, heart and kidneys of the baby. The stomach area was filled with fluid which means the kidneys were working fine. The brain was surrounded by a fluid which is also a good sign. The baby had clenched its fist the first time the assistant scanned. The scan went on for 30 mins. Later, after an hour, when Dr Veena did the scan again, she pressed the abdomen slightly harder and the baby actually opened its fist ever so slightly. 

In the first trimester scan, the visuals were clearer. We could see the entire baby. This time, it was sort of blurred and we couldn’t see the complete body. They said, that is because the baby has grown and we can't show the full body. The focus was on examining each organ in detail. The backbone of the baby looked just like fish bone. She said there is no cleft lips, the lips looked fine. 

My risk for birth defects has come further down - from 1.38 to 1.76. That’s good news. Next month check-up would be a regular one – checking BP, my weight etc. No scan.  Thank God. 

Sathya was trying to see the genitals as we had read that by 5^th month, if it is a boy, the genitals would be formed and would have dropped down and would be discernible. We couldn’t see anything though. We both would like to have a boy this time just so that we have one of each gender!! And of course, I want to raise a son, the way a son should be raised - taught to do household chores and helping out in the kitchen like we expect our daughters to do. 

My blood pressure has been consistently low – averaging at 100/70. 

I have completed 23 weeks. Have gained 2 kilos in the past one month, out which half a kilo is the weight of the baby. I am at 60 kilos now and the back pain is pronounced. I have started feeling the 
jerks of the baby. Can't say they are 'kicks' or 'movements' really - not just yet. But I am conscious of slight jerks and twitches. I have made Tanvi feel it too.

Tossing and turning at night has been a real ordeal. The tummy is "all out" and there is not enough space for the three of us together on the bed. Beginning this month, I forced Tanvi to sleep on her bunk bed in her room. She kicks in her sleep and takes up half of the bed, leaving me clutching my stomach and waking up in the middle of the night wanting to twist her arm! I have had to show her how much space my stomach needs now and somehow have made her to sleep separately. Satty and I sleep alone now - finally but every 5th day of the week, our little lady comes crawling back, like a cockroach, stealthily slides between us, promises not to trouble me and again, takes up more than half the bed! 

Have been walking at least four times a week for half an hour and that’s been good.

Dreams and Pregnancy

14th September entry: 

Completed four months.

Sathya got a dream. He saw a plump baby trying to stand but could’t stand. The baby was also trying to sit but kept falling backwards. Sathya had this sweet smile as he woke up in the morning, lay on the bed and narrated the dream. Nice to have a man whose first words were, "Let's remove it" actually dream of his baby and talk about it with such fondness in his voice. Gratifying. Did not have these precious moments last time. So these little things are all the more heart-warming.

16th September entry:

Suddenly I am aware of something hard in my lower abdomen. Hardness that doesn’t go away. Earlier when I used to wake up in the morning or I had not eaten for a long time and my tummy was empty, I’d feel so light in my womb that I would almost end up doubting if the baby was really there. Stomach would look so flat. Now my stomach is permanently “out”. Visibly bulging.

25th September entry:

Today was my first day of training. Back to work after five whole months of hibernation. Last I took a session was in March.

Forgot to take afternoon vitamin tablet – A-Z Gold. Remembered it an hour late. Other than that, did not feel any major difference between pre-pregnancy days and post-pregnancy days. Did not feel too tired in the class. Remembered my ICFAI working days. I was pregnant then as well. In 2005-2006. August I had joined the management college and in October learnt of the pregnancy. I had taken classes till just a week before the delivery. May 31st was the last working day and June 6th delivered.

It is always exhilarating to work. There is no joy compared to the joy of working if you are in the profession you like and enjoy what you do.

27th September entry:

Woke up at 6:00 in the morning to a bad attack of muscle cramps in my right leg. It is the one thing I dread the most about being pregnant. I remember I had severe muscle cramps during the third trimester in the last pregnancy. You can feel your flesh in your shank moving up and hardening. Excruciating pain! And there is nothing you can do about it. Just endure the pain and wait for the flesh to "melt" again and the pain to subside. It was strange that this time, it happened so early and that too in the morning. Maybe the two days of standing during the training and the stress of work had something to do with it. 

30th September entry:

Luckily the muscle cramps did not return. Yesterday was the last day of the 5-day induction training. Rest from today till the next batch.

I got a dream today. I saw a premature but fully grown baby . Then Tanvi brought a tiny baby from the washroom!! That turned out to be my real baby. Like always, I googled for meaning of the dream. It said I am not ready for the future. 

Can pregnant ladies be not ready?  I guess we can. Most of  us do go through fleeting moments of self-doubt, and self-questioning. Sometimes, I stare at my tummy and wonder, "Is this real? Is it really happening? I can see the bulge but is there really a human in there who will come out one day?" 

Breast-Feeding

I remember the day I delivered Tanvi. The water had broken around 10 a.m in the morning and by 12 I had been admitted. By 2 the contractions started and by 4 my baby was in my hands. 

No wait, she wasn’t. 

Because after the delivery, I had fallen asleep. Or I fell unconscious. Or the doc had put me to sleep with painkillers. I don’t know exactly. All I can recollect now is that they had moved me, from the delivery area to an adjacent area, to be shifted to a ward as soon as it was available. All wards were full that day.

There really are a lot of Gemini kids in the world. I read somewhere that Gemini is the most common zodiac and Aquarius is the rarest. There are far too many Geminis in this world and far few Aquarians. September must be a great month for conception and May the worst month. Something to do with the cooler/warmer weather in those months? 

Anyways, I remember seeing, in my drowsy state and droopy eyes, the nurse showing the baby to Sathya. And then, my eyes closed. 

When I woke up, I was in a ward with tiny Tanvi next to me - all of  2.92 kg. 

It was a common ward, the only one available, so there were 2-3 other mothers as well. A nurse asked me if I had fed the baby. I had not. I didn’t know I had to. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was afraid she would shout at me. I hadn’t even lifted my baby in my arms yet. I was completely drained of energy. I had apparently passed out for a good 3-4 hours and the baby hadn’t had anything yet. So I slowly raised myself on the bed, took the baby and... sat there. I didn't know what to do next. 

Who gets a lesson in feeding? It is like sex. You don’t know it until you do it. It is instinct, by and large. Or if your mother or mother-in-law is next to you, she guides you. My great mother-in-law was too busy handling matters of World Peace to be beside me. She had not turned up at all, even that late in the day, to see her grandchild. So, well, I too followed my instinct. And boy, was Tanvi hungry!!! 

That first moment when you feed your baby is a moment a woman will never forget in her life. That is when the two of you "connect" and "bond" and watching those tiny lips on your bosom, you finally feel that yes, it was all worth it. The struggles of the nine months, the pain of labor, the delivery trauma - all worth it. I know people say, the moment immediately after delivery, is the greatest - the moment when you see your baby first time. But for me, that moment was fleeting. The doc was busy stitching me up, giving instructions to 'hold up' and finishing up the rest of the post-delivery tasks. The baby was not given to be held because it had to be washed and not laid next to me because I had passed out. So what they show you in the movies - doesn't always work that way.

After I had fed her on one side, I thought it’s not fair to feed only one side. I must be impartial (typical teacher talk) and feed both. Someone later told me that yeah that is the right way to do it; otherwise the breast swells and hurts like hell because the milk coagulates. Always feed both sides.

New mothers truly learn a lot on the job, don't they! There is no induction training or trial sessions or demos. At least back then, I didn’t attend any classes or watch any YouTube videos. Now, thanks to smart phones and internet, everything, every information is available on your fingertips. And I have watched many a video and read countless pregnancy related articles.

As for breast-feeding being equivalent to running 8 kms (check the first pic) , it must be true. I breast-fed Tanvi till she was THREE years old. I fed her everywhere - theater, cinema hall, bus-station and on everything - on a bus, car, bike, auto !! I now believe it was one of the reasons I lost all the pregnancy weight (13 kilos) really quickly and that too without any exercise or any fitness regime. 

Maternal Age and Pregnancy

So many scans if the mother is aged 35 or above. Such a headache. The father could be an 80 year old budda (old man), it doesn't matter. As the foetus grows in the mother's body, her age matters a hell of a lot. With Tan, since I was 28, there were hardly any scans that needed to be done. This time, one after the other, the S word!

My suggestion to those planning or eager to have two kids, plan the second one well before you hit 34.  That way, there will not be any worries about so many scans and blood tests just to see if there are any defects in the growing foetus due to the mother’s age. 

Babies are emotional decisions for most parents but the fact is money is an important part of it too. Why be ashamed of the fact that babies are expensive? 

Scans are expensive. A scan starts at Rs 1000. Blood tests start at Rs 600. Medicines - your vitamins and minerals - cost a minimum of Rs 400 a week. Doctors consultation starts at Rs 300. We have already spent close to Rs 7,000 for three of these in three months of check-up. And that is just for the scans and blood tests. It is excluding medicines, doc's consultation fees, trips to doc's clinic!  This is even before the baby is born. 

Once it is born, the cost just sky-rockets. It’s nice to cuddle and coo-coo to a baby that giggles when it sees you but without proper care, which also means money, in addition to love, things can get bumpy.

So, if you are serious about adding a second member to your family, plan it! Make sure you, the mother, conceive before you hit 34! Save money!!!

More Scans

31st Aug entry:

I am two heartbeats now. There is another tiny heart beating along with mine, stronger and harder. 

Sometimes that knowledge is so humbling and gratifying. Another life within me! A heart that is pumping furiously! 

And sometimes, the thought is plain bothersome, especially when you have to constantly go to the loo to pee.

Got a call from Rohini (HUL) asking if I would like to work for them - this time directly and not through Training Bench? (It has been more than 5 months. March was the last session I had conducted).  

That’s some good news! Always nice to work on a flexible basis and have a source of income.

5th September entry:

We had been to the doc for the 4th month check-up. The report of the Quadruple test was negative. Everything was normal, no defects. The chances of me having a DS baby were down to 1:384. 

But then the doc suggested yet another scan; to check chances of DS. AGAIN!!! In three visits, three scans recommended. First it was the blood test and the first trimester scan, then it was double-market test (which we couldn't do as we went two weeks late) and so did Quadruple test and now one more - Anamoly scan this time, to be done next month. 

I don’t know what hit me but I broke down and started crying!!! I told the doc that every time I come for check-up, I am asked for some defects detection test, just because I am 40. The doc said it is only to ensure the baby is healthy and that I have come only for three check-ups. I asked her what if one of the tests came out positive. What then? She said then we will have to abort the baby. I knew the answer but I guess I wanted to hear it out loud. My heart sank. She then asked me not to worry. All these scans are precautionary measures only. Everything is in the hands of God. She herself was the 12^th child and her mother delivered her at the age of 45! So cheer up. “Plus”, she continued, “You have a God-fearing husband. Believe in God. Everything will be fine.” When we came out of the clinic, I had resigned myself to my fate. I am 40, my chances of having a DS baby are high, so I must accept and go through all the scans, without tears or worries.

Sathya was asking me why the hell did I cry in front of the doc? He couldn’t believe I had broken down emotionally, so easily. And then he joked that I had embarrassed him and brought bad name to his illustrious name! The doc had guessed that he was God-fearing from the kumkum mark on his forehead. He was, of course, mighty pleased with the certification!