Women feel so
emotional at times, feel like crying for no obvious reasons, especially during pregnancy. Men just don't get it, do they?
I have explained to Sathya, like a nursery teacher explains ABCD to a kindergartner, that all you have to do, when I am emotional, is HUG me. No, nothing else is required. Your smart-ass comments - NO. Your 'be practical' advice - NO. Your problem solving tips and suggestions – NO. Preferably, just don’t open your mouth to drop any of your male-ego satisfying, 'I know it all' gyan. Just hug me. If you still must open your mouth, open it to make sounds like ‘ummm’ ‘haan’ ‘hmm’ I know you think it's not good enough but trust me, a hug with these sounds for company, does it for most women, when we are crying our heart out. The hug reassures us that, you are with us and the sounds that, you have not zoned out or dozed off and are actually really listening to us. Quite simple, isn’t it? 12 years of marriage and 2 pregnancies later, I still have not succeeded in making my otherwise socially-intelligent and emotionally-sound husband to implement this.
Here's what happened this week. As of 28th November, I am 29 weeks pregnant, 7 months, start of the third trimester. The baby is in a posterior position which means the head is down and legs up, his back pressing hard against mine. His jabs are stronger, more frequent and all three of us have felt and seen the kicks – the skin bouncing up, the hard kicks, the movement of the limb from one point to another, the hardening of the stomach walls. 7th month also means frequent urination,so frequent that not able to hold in even a drop. 7th month also means there is no position comfortable enough to sleep. I am constantly struggling to place the tummy and find it really hard to sleep; which last night pushed me into a desperate purchase of a body pillow from Amazon. Two months to go before the baby comes and I want to sleep as much as I can through my third trimester. I didn’t use a body pillow during Tanvi’s pregnancy but back then, I didn’t have a smartphone, didn't use the internet much and didn’t even know such a thing existed.
I have explained to Sathya, like a nursery teacher explains ABCD to a kindergartner, that all you have to do, when I am emotional, is HUG me. No, nothing else is required. Your smart-ass comments - NO. Your 'be practical' advice - NO. Your problem solving tips and suggestions – NO. Preferably, just don’t open your mouth to drop any of your male-ego satisfying, 'I know it all' gyan. Just hug me. If you still must open your mouth, open it to make sounds like ‘ummm’ ‘haan’ ‘hmm’ I know you think it's not good enough but trust me, a hug with these sounds for company, does it for most women, when we are crying our heart out. The hug reassures us that, you are with us and the sounds that, you have not zoned out or dozed off and are actually really listening to us. Quite simple, isn’t it? 12 years of marriage and 2 pregnancies later, I still have not succeeded in making my otherwise socially-intelligent and emotionally-sound husband to implement this.
Here's what happened this week. As of 28th November, I am 29 weeks pregnant, 7 months, start of the third trimester. The baby is in a posterior position which means the head is down and legs up, his back pressing hard against mine. His jabs are stronger, more frequent and all three of us have felt and seen the kicks – the skin bouncing up, the hard kicks, the movement of the limb from one point to another, the hardening of the stomach walls. 7th month also means frequent urination,so frequent that not able to hold in even a drop. 7th month also means there is no position comfortable enough to sleep. I am constantly struggling to place the tummy and find it really hard to sleep; which last night pushed me into a desperate purchase of a body pillow from Amazon. Two months to go before the baby comes and I want to sleep as much as I can through my third trimester. I didn’t use a body pillow during Tanvi’s pregnancy but back then, I didn’t have a smartphone, didn't use the internet much and didn’t even know such a thing existed.
On 24th Nov, completed a 5-day
training for Lakme and the very next day fell sick. By Sunday morning, I ran a temperature. My arms
and legs were weak, eyes burning. At the hospital, they took a urine test for possibility
of a urinary tract infection (UTI) and put me on drips to bring down the temperature.
Went home, took the prescribed tablets Dolo 650 (yuck) and Tracfree Cranberry Extract (yum). By Wednesday, felt much better. But that afternoon, I woke up from my nap with
severe chills. My body was shivering like a leaf caught in a
storm. Sathya was worried and rushed me to the hospital. The physician
asked us to do a urine culture and prescribed monocef.
While waiting in the hospital, I held Satty’s hand, showed him the women who had come with their mothers and, with tears in my eyes, told him how most women take their mothers' presence and help during their pregnancy for granted. They pour out their frustration, anger and irritation at their mother. They never think that they should not speak rudely or in a harsh tone to their mother. Would they do it to their mother-in-law? No. Never. Not even in their dreams. That woman would never understand. But mothers are understanding and bear your wrath. If I had my mother with me, perhaps I too would behave similarly. But for me mother, husband and friend all three are one person only - he. I told him please don't be angry with me if behaved with him how other women behave with their mothers. And then I folded my fingers and planted a 'pappi' (kiss) on his cheek. He was, of course, very embarrassed by this public display of affection in the hospital.
While waiting in the hospital, I held Satty’s hand, showed him the women who had come with their mothers and, with tears in my eyes, told him how most women take their mothers' presence and help during their pregnancy for granted. They pour out their frustration, anger and irritation at their mother. They never think that they should not speak rudely or in a harsh tone to their mother. Would they do it to their mother-in-law? No. Never. Not even in their dreams. That woman would never understand. But mothers are understanding and bear your wrath. If I had my mother with me, perhaps I too would behave similarly. But for me mother, husband and friend all three are one person only - he. I told him please don't be angry with me if behaved with him how other women behave with their mothers. And then I folded my fingers and planted a 'pappi' (kiss) on his cheek. He was, of course, very embarrassed by this public display of affection in the hospital.
When we came home, my state of mind was still tipsy. I was imagining, how it would be, had my parents been alive, how Sathya was father, mother, husband and friend to me. I started weeping and called
out to him - thrice. I called out to him thrice! He was chatting with Tanvi and her friends in the hall, and kept asking 'what-what-what' but didn't come. Finally,
I screamed "COME and sit next to me".
He came and asked, "What?"
I said, "Sit here."
He complained, "No place to sit."
I shouted “Make place and sit". I asked for his hand, told him I wanted to hold it for a while.
He asked, "Which hand?" Seriously man?????!
Anyways, I had held it for a while when he said, "I can't sit in this position for long time" and came and slept next to me.
My tears had just started pouring out, when he said the dreaded words, "Don't cry. There is nothing to cry."
I wanted to cry, I wanted to unburden the weight of my emotions, I wanted to feel light.
I replied, calmly, "Yeah right. Thanks. You can go now."
I screamed "COME and sit next to me".
He came and asked, "What?"
I said, "Sit here."
He complained, "No place to sit."
I shouted “Make place and sit". I asked for his hand, told him I wanted to hold it for a while.
He asked, "Which hand?" Seriously man?????!
Anyways, I had held it for a while when he said, "I can't sit in this position for long time" and came and slept next to me.
My tears had just started pouring out, when he said the dreaded words, "Don't cry. There is nothing to cry."
I wanted to cry, I wanted to unburden the weight of my emotions, I wanted to feel light.
I replied, calmly, "Yeah right. Thanks. You can go now."
Men and their 'flat like a tyre', 'detached like a monk', completely unemotional response to a totally emotional situation!!!!!! Speechless!
