April 2018

25^th april 2018

The first month very very hard

The second very hard

The third hard

The months are getting less hard as time passes. Comparatively speaking

With Rutvi we are going back to the experiences of raising Tanvi, we are recalling all those moments

I am 58 kg now. My pre- pregnancy weight.

Morning breakfast usually rice item

Then a cup of milk with mothers horlicks, then a banana, then tea with 2-3 biscuits, then a cup of milk with women’s horlicks, then dinner then a cup with bournvita or shatavari guda

2 months drank 750ml of milk daily. Doc had recommended a litre

After that got bored with milk. So two cups. Then got bored some more; so by the time she turned three months, I was drinking only one cup a day.

3^rd april

Slept at 11:00 p.m

Woke up 5:30 a.m

5 mins drank milk and slept again.

Like adults, 6 hours continuous sleep.

Again woke up 6:30 a.m and slept. Again woke up 8:00 and played.

By 2 months, not yet 2 months, 3 days more to go, she has fallen into the adult sleep pattern. Thank god for these little mercies. I am regaining my mental balance which i lost in the first month due to sleeplessness, lack of sleep. I am happier now. able to do almost all the work at home. Yet to do breakfast full time every day. It needs someone to be with rutvi while i make. Right now can’t.

7^th april

Slept from 11 to 6:00 a.m. 7 hours at a stretch. Wow! From sleeping four hours in total that too in intervals of 20 minutes – 30 minutes throughout the night to a 7 hour stretch sleep. It has brought my sanity back.

 It also has been 2 weeks since she started cooing and babbling and responding to my voice and face. Recognises me and breaks into a delicious smile and when i speak, she opens her eyes this big and moves her lips saying something. It’s clear that she is talking to me though the words are not there yet. It’s such a pleasure –our conversations. Sometimes i say something and just repeat, is that you? And she nods and giggles and opens her eyes wide. As if saying yes Amma yes

 The boxing, kicking and cycling movements are pronounced now. Try holding her leg down, she will kick very hard. No more swaddling. She kicks the blanket away. And it’s hot too now.

I can’t believe I am saying this but if you can afford it (financially) and love children, you must go for a 2^nd child. The mistakes and trials and errors of the first time better equips you to handle the 2^nd one. You enjoy the process of raising a child more the 2^nd time. The first time you are so raw and young every little thing about the baby scares you – spitting, vomiting. Then there are people to scare you if you are not scared enough already. Now you know it’s a natural process of reflex or regurgitation and nothing to be anxious about. The level of calm is higher.

9^th April Monday

Constipated since Friday. Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon Rutvi had not passed motions. So worried. Finally today an hour after we were at home she passed her motions. What a relief! Imagine being happy to see shit! 

Sat 4 p.m we left for Mysore, visited Nanjangud today and reached home at 4 p.m.

Every time we changed her diaper, during the trip, we would eagerly look at it. But no. Every time just urine.

Nanjangud has changed so much. We last went in 2014 ? 2010 ? Don't remember!

14^th april 

His father called. Night 10 p.m from deepu’s phone. Which i had not saved. So picked up the call.

15^th april 

Cradle. Kiran. Colleague

One Month Rutvi

 6^th Mar 2018

One month.

Staring blankly.

By the end of 1 month, holding fingers. First her pappa's, then her sister's, then mine which irked me no end. Why not mine first ? :( 

Gripping my shirt while feeding, clutching me in an attempt to bring me closer, clutching my chain, pulling her own hair and screaming.

Hurting us all with her long manicured finger nails which forced me to order nail cutter. Her nails are so finely shaped that makes you want to paint them.

2 visits to doctor. One, maybe a small bit of her nail went into her right eyes and it was constantly welling up with tears

2^nd, on the night she turned one, she kept crying incessantly. From almost 9 to 1 a.m. Was trying to make her sleep since 7:30 in the evening.  Then gave her colic aid and she slept by the time we reached the car.

10^th mar

Tan was born into chaos. Chaotic relationships, finances, home. Rutvi into stability, stable relationships, finances, home. 

My kind of recipe: Dukaan se lao. Ghar mei milao. Like Nutella mousse from Suzaan.

4 hours sleeping 20 hours working days.

15^th March 

11 p.m – 1:30 a.m sleep

3:30 – 4:45 sleep

6:15 to 6:45 sleep

9:30 a.m to 2:00 p.m sleep

2:30 to 5

5:15 to 6:15

8:15 to 9:45 

14 hours sleep – 10 hours awake

I spend so much time with Rutvi. When I see Tanvi, I feel she is a giant. Such a giant nose. Such big eyes. Let’s zoom in and look at their noses. 

See...how tiny Rutvi is. Like Lilliput and Tanvi like Gulliver. Rutvi at just about 4 kilos now and Tanvi at 45kg.

Oh I checked my weight finally - after being discharged from hospital. Sunday 11^th. I was 56.5 kilos.  That is after a month after delivery i had lost 10 kilos approximately. I checked in a hotel we went for breakfast. And this is without any exercise. 3.35 was baby birth weight and the rest of the kilos of the 10 kilos was my water, waste and stuff. Breastfeeding really helps in weight loss. I drink minimum half a litre of milk with Mother’s Horlicks or Women’s Horlicks, or Bournvita or Shatavari guda a cup mixed with these.

A banana on most days. Sometimes a small glass of tender coconut. But the weight doesn’t stick. Flows as milk. Rusk or biscuits with evening tea. 

16^th march

You won’t believe the overload of information and advice a new mother gets. Some of them scary, threatening in tone – if you don’t do this, this will happen. None of them actually help her out. They just come, dump their ‘suggestions’ and ‘know it all’ superiority and leave without as much as taking care of the baby for 5 minutes or ‘doing’ what they preach.

Tan cut Rutvi’s nails.

22nd March 2018 

“”Out of focus”” Satty calls her.

These so called well-meaning friends, relatives, neighbours bewilder you with their varied suggestions and advice.

One person though had an objection to everything we did. If we bathe her in the afternoon she would say, “No! Bathe her in the morning”. If we wrapped her, she would say, “No! Leave her open”. Once Sathya was holding her and carrying her around, she had a problem with that too. Don’t carry her, she will get back pain. Don’t make her sleep on her back, she will get back pain.

Once the building maid asked me, “Why are you making her cry?”  Because I like it, I said. What else do you say to a question like that? She herself is a mother of two.

Here is a list of things you shouldn’t say to a new mother.

1.      You won’t know now. But after 10 years you will suffer. Severe back pain.

2.      Sleep with your legs crossed at the ankles.

3.      Don’t take bath in the evening.

4.      Pull her nose.

I have already raised one daughter. You can clearly see she is healthy. I can definitely raise another one without your ‘to do list’ every hour.

They practically have an advice for everything. For red lips, grind leaves of pomegranate tree and apply the juice on the lips.

A crate full of eggs + bread + bread = constipation. So we had to stop. 

23^rd march

Mothers wake up for baby’s cry. Don’t wake up for alarm.

These neighbours – scare the new mother. Don’t know for what joy.

This day - Slept for only 15 minutes. Then awake for 2-3 hours. Again doze for 15 minutes. From 7 a. m to 11:00 p. m this is what she did. I went mad.

Silver lining – good news – from 11:00 pm to 5:30 a. m she slept. I slept too.  First time in 2 months. Long stretch of sleep unbroken by crying, feeding or cleaning.

I even got a dream in my sleep. I hadn’t dreamt all these days because hadn’t slept for more than an hour at a stretch so far.

24^th march

8 weeks old

Went for Tagaru movie. Rutvi’s first. PVR Vaishnavi sapphire mall. She was fine. Fed her twice. For 15-20 minutes she actually sat up and was staring at the large screen. Maybe at the intensity of light in a dark hall. Feeding is always a problem in a dark theatre hall. Couldn’t take tanvi because it was an A certified movie due to the element of violence in it. 

Rutvi is 2 weeks short of 2 months. Tanvi’s first movie at one month was cyanide. Second krish. Third superman.

Can’t believe I and Rutvi are 8 weeks old. I am already doing everything around the house. In fact I started the first week itself. I am not in much pain though sometimes back pain or leg pain hits badly. And I need a massage. 

25^th march

Most frequently asked question to moms “why is the baby crying?.” You know what I don't know. Even I am wondering. I am clueless. So if you can't help me in finding the answer, don't ask me the question. Spare me the effort of being rude to you.

The first time we really didn’t know a lot of things. We did a lot of things wrong with Tanvi. We needed someone to tell us, guide us. The second time we know better. We now need someone to share the load.

Random Thoughts

4^th Mar 2018

• Of course there are moments of tenderness and absolute joy. But when you are the primary caregiver and caretaker, it does feel at times that all you are doing is changing diapers and rushing to her bedside every time she as much as whimpers.
• I wanted to be a revolutionary mom. Someone who teaches her son to clean and keep house. The only regret was couldn’t be the one who contributed to a well brought up man who treated a woman as an equal and didn’t feel entitled.
• The most important thing is to be human – to be kind & honest. Human – not like animals whether it's in cruelty or ill treatment of others or greed. Kind to all - privileged and under privileged. Honest in the work one does.